We're NOT telling people to get AIDS. While we're supportive of guys who consciously choose to become poz, we strongly urge guys not to progress to an AIDS diagnosis. We lived through the AIDS crisis. Having AIDS is horrible, and we feel guys should stay healthy and go on ARVs (anti-retroviral HIV medication) by the time their CD4 ("t-cell") count gets consistently down to 350-500, if not sooner.
No, HIV is a virus, AIDS is a disease that is caused by HIV. When a person is infected with HIV they're referred to as HIV+, HIV positive, or "poz". At that point they do not have AIDS, they only have the virus. Only if they get certain "opportunistic infections" (like Kaposi's Sarcoma) or their CD4 ("t-cell") count drops below ~250 do they get diagnosed as having AIDS. Most guys who become poz these days never progress to AIDS because they go on meds before their CD4 drops below 500. In most cases guys have about 2 years after infection before their CD4 drops to that level and they need meds to avoid AIDS.
These days, not really. There are primarily two groups who die of AIDS these days… People who never got tested and only found out they were HIV+ after they had advanced AIDS. And people who got infected decades ago and took the early HIV drugs that damaged their bodies. Guys who get infected these days will most likely have a completely typical lifespan provided they go on meds in a timely manner (source).
That's debatable, but even if you think it is dangerous and stupid, don't people have the right to do with their bodies as they see fit? Don't they have the right to be stupid? And how is bug chasing any more stupid than many extreme sports, or sky diving, etc.? Why do you have a double standard for things that are sexual in nature?
Yes, there is a point when poz guys should take ARVs (anti-retroviral HIV medication). It's not a good idea to let things go on so long that you get an AIDS diagnosis. But the question is how quickly to start since most guys have on average at least 2 years before they're they're likely to be diagnosed with AIDS. For many years the standard approach in Europe was to have poz folks wait until their CD4 (t-cell) count got down around 500. In the US guys were put on medication quickly. So the "Strategic Timing of Antiretroviral Treatment" (aka "START") study was conducted to figure out which approach was best. It enrolled nearly 4,700 people around the globe. Half were started on meds quickly, the other half went on meds later. In the group that went on meds later 3.67% had some sort of complication over the ~4 years of the study, while only 1.75% of the group that went on meds quickly had complications. That's a 53% reduction, and because of the size of the study, the result is statistically significant (source). Whether someone goes on meds quickly depends a lot on their relationship to HIV. If someone got infected intentionally and enjoys being "toxic", then the extra 2% risk is probably no big deal. It's hard to call such decisions reckless because the risk they're taking is so low. But if the poz guy doesn't enjoy having a high viral load, then there's no benefit to them, and he should probably go on meds quickly.
Welcome! You're in the right place. We totally understand where you're coming from and it's completely normal. For many guys the risk involved in taking a poz load is a huge turn-on. That's really no different than how people enjoy risky sports like bungee jumping (what if the rope breaks?), or jumping out of a helicopter to ski down a mountain (what if you trigger an avalanche or break a leg?), or even going really fast in sports car (what if you crash?). It's just our Puritanical society says this risk is different because it involves sex. But it's not. Just as those sports often involve safety measures (e.g. seatbelts, anti-lock brakes and airbags), you're the one who should figure out what level of safety is right for you when it comes to hooking up with poz guys. (Hint: there's basically zero risk taking the load of a poz guy who's "undetectable" – source).
Untimately you are the only person who is responsible for your health. Talk to your doctor about PrEP. If you take PrEP as prescribed, it's almost impossible to get infected with HIV. The number of times PrEP has failed is extremely small. PrEP is widely available. If you get infected with HIV these days you either wanted to be infected, or you weren't taking proper care of yourself, or you're one of a few cases that are so rare that a scientific paper will probably be written about you.
Criminalizing HIV increases the fear surrounding HIV and makes people less likely to get tested. We think it's more important that people know their status.
Assuming your wife wants to stay HIV negative, that's rape. We're totally NOT OK with rape. You need to go away. You're not welcome here. (Sadly we see variations of this request more often than you'd think…)